ROB VAN VUUREN
Age: 34
Credits: The Most Amazing Show, Strictly Come Dancing, SA’s Got Talent, Footskating 101 (2007), Bunny Chow (2006), and Crazy Monkey Presents Straight Outta Benoni (2005)
Occupation: Thespian
Growing up, whose posters were on your wall? Argh, that’s way too embarrassing to even contemplate admitting. I grew up in the ’80s (which isn’t fair to anyone) and I strongly believe that whatever happens in the ’80s should stay in the ’80s. Okay, I’ll tell you, Patrick Swayze and Belinda Carlisle. Blind.
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? I went incognito to the latest Leon Schuster to check out the scene where I schucksed him, and the guy sitting a couple of seats down from me said to his mate (when I appeared on screen); ‘What a doos.’ I thought that was pretty funny. Perhaps not the funniest thing I’ve ever heard, but funny nonetheless.
When did you know you wanted to get into this business? For as long as I can remember. I am painfully extroverted and I’ve been putting on shows forever. My biology teacher in high school used to say that all the time. It was hilarious though.
Describe the school-kid version of yourself. Scourge of biology teachers everywhere.
What is the secret to your success? Never, ever stop working. And don’t be kak.
What would your fans be most surprised to learn about you? That I’m six foot five in real life.
RIAAD MOOSA
Age: 33
Credits: His post is addressed to ‘Dr Moosa’
Occupation: Comedian/doctor
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? Larry David’s ‘Ski Trip’ episode in season five of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I identify with the subject matter.
What message would you like to give to all the critics? Mom, leave me alone. I like this shirt.
Have you ever had a stalker, and if you could meet them, what would you say to them? If I’m in a situation where I meet a stalker, I’ll probably say things like ‘Please don’t kill me’, ‘Smearing that lipstick on your face makes you look distinguished’ and ‘your mother’s basement is awesome’.
Have you ever been told that you’re not funny? Yes. Thanks for bringing that up. Awesome.
Describe the school-kid version of yourself. Big hair, big eyes, big teeth, big glasses, big nose, big... personality.
A lot of the beautiful women we feature say humour is one of the most important qualities anyone can have. What do you think? Sure, Brad Pitt has an amazing sense of humour. I’m sure if Angelina Jolie met Casper de Vries, Brad would be bringing out the lotion.
What line(s) would you use on a girl? Do you mean pick-up lines? You know I’m married, right? What line do I use on my wife? ‘Quick, the kids are asleep!’
Have you ever asked, ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ Yes. I asked my uncle. He has senile dementia.
Catch all of the entertainers, including Riaad Moosa, Jack Parow, Trevor Noah, Whackhead, Ben Trovato and the Julius Malema puppet in the September issue of GQ. On sale now
Photographs by Russell Smith
